John Piper and adoption

This is an incredible video clip about the gospel and adoption.  It really made me stop and think about this process that has been my life for the past year.   

I initially found this clip on our adoption consultant’s blog.  I hope you have the 5 minutes to watch it!

everything progressing as it should be- yeah!

Matt spoke with our caseworker in Jacksonville today….everything is progressing as it should be – yeah! 

We were unaware of the progress with the birthfather – even though he is in prison, his parental rights still needed to be terminated.  We found out today that he is going to willingly terminate his parental rights.  That is such an INCREDIBLE answer to prayer.  Issues with the birth father not wanting his rights terminated is what helped to create the problems that led to our having to return Emilie so this has been an area that has caused me to be somewhat fearful.  The caseworker said that the agency lawyer will be going to the prison to have him sign the paperwork.  It should happen sometime next week.  Will I ever been happy to know that the paperwork is signed, in the file and that hurdle is GONE!

The caseworker talked to Matt about what will happen once we arrive in Jacksonville.  It is nice to know what we can basically expect when we get there.  One of the major things we found out is that the due date has been moved to November 28th.  It started at November 7th moved to November 14th and now November 28th.   Basically, we need to be ready anytime in November.  The due date changing also occurred with Emilie.  Her original due date was December 23rd and then the date was changed to January 10th.  Emilie was born December 22nd and I was not packed or ready for the trip.  Yes, I forgot items that were needed.   The lesson that I have learned is to be prepared at the 1st due date.  I will probably begin packing Jaxson’s suitcase this next week and then Matt & my suitcase the first week in November.  We are going to get the Pathfinder packed so we are ready when the call comes.  Matt gave permission to the agency to call us no matter what the time.  We will be driving to Jacksonville.  It is between 10-11 hours.

Matt and I are excited about meeting/getting Jaxson.  He is such an answer to so many prayers!  It seems so surreal!  I don’t know if I REALLY believe that it is REALLY happening.  I can’t wait to hold him!

Matt and I went on a “dinner date” Wednesday night.  It was nice to be able to sit, relax, and talk – especially knowing that will change soon.  We did talk about how much we still find ourselves missing Emilie.  We were so unsure of what to expect while we drove all night (23 hours) to get to Iowa.  I am so thankful that we are so much more prepared and aware this time around.  We are so thankful for Bundle of Hope – the agency in Jacksonville.  They will be at the hospital to meet us!  They know all about Emilie and have shown evidences of being concerned about us.  That is comforting in an inevitably stressful experience.

Thank you so much for all of your support and prayers!

a poem from a dear friend

A  dear friend at church gave me this poem that she had written for Matt & I.  Thanks Betty – it means a lot to us!

Emilie Grace

A new land for us,

Native for others.

A new soul to mold,

Designed for eternity.

 

 Opportunity to know,

To care for, to nurture.

Beautiful, brief, deep;

This chapter to close.

 

 The page is turned

To remind us of Author,

Setting, plot, climax;

He has one for her.

 

 No need to fret-

He knows this land, this people, this one.

She fits exactly in His Hands;

These hands scarred by love.

 

 Love that shows us new lands,

New people, new souls;

To know, to care for, to nurture;

To enjoy this story forever.

 

 - BettyJane Gagnon  ~  to Karen & Matt Benke 2009

 

nursery change over

 

I know it has been a week since I posted anything – sorry!  My goal last week was to get the nursery completely changed over.  It is basically done.  I have a couple small items that I am still doing ~ sewing the curtain to hang in front of the closet (I already have the fabric), finish staining  two toy containers, and hot glue some items on the JAX wall decoration.  I should be able to get all of these things done within the next couple of days. 

Matt and I went shopping last Monday evening to get the nursery items.  We had already picked out what we wanted.  It is called Little MVP.  We liked the fact that it is sports themed and then I really liked the colors in it.  I really did not want a “baby blue” nursery.  We also picked up the paint.  We decided that we wanted two different colors.  I painted on Tuesday and Wednesday and then Matt and I finished painting on Saturday.  I had not realized that it would be as difficult as it was to paint over the pink.  It was exciting and hard at the same time.  I must admit that I did cry a few times while painting.  We are SO excited about going to Florida to get Jaxson in a few weeks and yet we miss Emilie.  I guess that that is just a state of being – we will always miss Emilie.  I know that I am dealing with the whole idea of “moving on/beginning again.”  I can’t live in the past, even though at times I find myself leaning that way.

Matt and I were talking last night, on our way home from small group, about how we didn’t hear anything from the agency in Florida last week.  I have been saying that I enjoyed having a quiet week so I could focus on changing the nursery.  I suddenly realized and told Matt that our experience with the agency has been that if something is not progressing correctly then they are quick to call us and “give us an out.”  I had the realization that “no news really is good news.”

Here are pictures of the nursery transformation!  Hope you enjoy!

more than we could ask or think

Ephesians 3:20a says ” Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think….”  That is one way to summarize this weekend.  I am going to use this post to recount some of the different blessing from this weekend.

The yard sale was incredible!  Our church family rallied around this event and sacrificially gave. Our friend that planned the event told me yesterday that every single family of our church was somehow involved in this event – either by donating, helping sort/price, and helping with the event.  When I say that I have an awesome church family – I really mean it!  I was SO blessed to be able to watch my friends each serve and minister, each in very specific ways, on Saturday.  What an incredible blessing to Matt and I.  The sale was a huge success and raised for more money than the organizer or I anticipated!  I will have pictures at the end of this post. 

Matt and I also found out in church on Sunday that our church family and Matt’s work have been collecting financial donations to help us since May.  Our pastor received a call from someone at Matt’s work back in May.  Matt and I had NO CLUE that this was happening.  It was quite an emotional moment when we found out what had been happening and the donations that have been collected.  Wow!

One of the other benefits of the yard sale is that we were given the boy’s baby and toddler clothes that were donated and did not sell.  We will need to get some additional items but these items will definitely take some of that pressure away.  You can tell we live in a military area because there are a lot of camouflage items!

On Friday evening we checked email and found our adoption contract with the agency in Jacksonville.  We had to send a significant amount of money for our previous situation that resulted in the birth mother’s miscarriage.  We knew that SOME of the money would be applied to this new scenario but NOT the money that had already been paid to the previous birth mother.  Losing money is never easy and yet this is part of the contract that we signed.   We were FLOORED to find out that the agency had applied EVERY SINGLE PENNY that we had previously paid to this situation.  Wow!

So, what am I learning through all of this?  A lot about faith and trust.  Throughout this process Matt and I have had to pray and then make some decisions not knowing exactly what would happen or how it would happen.  For someone who likes to be in control, this has not always been easy.  I certainly have not arrived in this area.  I know that in the next few weeks and months I am going to need to put my faith and trust in a God who sees, knows, and loves me and not in my own ability to work things out.

I hope you are as encouraged by these yard sale pictures – as Matt and I were by the event!

   

     

   

   

    

  

 

yard sale prep

Wow!  An incredible friend from church has organized and planned a yard sale (tomorrow) to benefit our adoption process.  There have been truckloads upon truckloads of items donated.  Most of the items have been sorted, priced, and boxed in Emily’s basement.  Many people from church are bringing their things directly to the yard sale tomorrow.  Here are some pictures of Emily’s basement with all the items.

    

Some friends from church came to Emily’s house tonight to help load everything into the U-Haul to be transported to the sale location.  There is a crew that will be there at 5 a.m. to unload and get set-up for the sale to begin at 7 a.m.  Here are some pictures – beginning with the empty U-Haul to the full U-Haul to the empty basement.

                        

I will post pictures from tomorrow sometime in the near future.  We are excited about the chance to share our story and experience while spending the day with incredible friends.  Have I said lately how much we love our church family?   I need to stop typing and rip apart the postcards that we have printed to hand out tomorrow before heading to bed.  We need to leave our house at 4:30 a.m. 

excited and amazed

Wow!  We woke up yesterday morning knowing that we needed to call Traci, our consultant, to find out about the status of the situation in Tallahassee – are the legal items solved and is our profile going to be shown to the birth mother and some other questions re: the agency in Jacksonville.  Before the phone call could be made, she called us.  She had no news regarding the situation in Tallahassee however the caseworker in Jacksonville had called her with a situation that they thought should be presented to us.  Traci agreed that it should be presented to us and called Matt.  Matt talked with Traci and then called and spoke directly to the caseworker in Jacksonville.  He found out that we needed to decide quickly if we wanted our profile submitted because the birthmother was meeting with them @ 2 pm.  Matt told the caseworker that he needed until noon.  He then called me.  I was on the way to a dr. appt. to have a form filled out so we can renew our homestudy.  It is crazy how there can be times when there is NOTHING to DO but wait and then there are times when it seems like all we are doing and thinking is adoption related. 

Anyway,  the birthmother is 21 yrs. old.  She has a one year old son that she is raising as a single mom.  She knows that she can not raise another child.  Her godmother works for Child and Family Services in FL and has been helping/counseling her through this situation.  The birthfather is in prison. I don’t know why – really I don’t.  He was trying to secure money for the birthmother to get an abortion when he found out that she was pregnant.  From what we have been told, the process is beginning to have him terminate his rights.  I believe it involves a 30 day window.  The agency is not anticipating any problems with him since he has shown that he really does not want the baby.  The baby is an African American boy.  The birthmother’s original due date was November 7th.  The dr. has recently said that it could be November 14th.  Financially this situation is better than the Tallahassee situation and is also a little less than our previous Jacksonville situation.  That was a HUGE positive for Matt!  The finances have been an incredible stressor for him!  We agreed – after thought, prayer, and seeking counsel – that we should at least submit our profile.

I got a telephone call around 3:30 p.m. saying that we had been selected.  It was weird.  I was instantly excited.  I haven’t been that way in all of our different situations.  I spoke with the agency director and caseworker for a while.  I was put on speaker phone so the birthmother could hear me.  I could hear her answer some of their questions but we never spoke directly to each other.  I was perfectly o.k. with that.  I don’t think we are going to have much communication for this last month.  She wants to meet us when we come for the birth and possibly have us present for delivery, if we get to Jacksonville in time.  We will get a call from the director when she goes into labor.  In her previous pregnancy she went full term and her labor was quick.  We are planning on driving. 

Matt and I really are excited.  In our previous situation, although the wait was much longer, I tried to not get excited.  I figured it would help “protect” me – only to find that it didn’t help.  It also is a whole lot easier to get excited knowing the gender of the baby.  Matt and I have chosen the name Jaxson (Jax) Robert.   I believe that is the spelling that Matt wants.

There is a lot to do.  I will begin working in and on the nursery next week.  I need to sort through and pack up all our girl things.  Most of the items are already in boxes.  Some wonderful friends did that for me while I was in Iowa.  I will look through them to get everything I need before taking the boxes to the basement for storage. 

This week my afternoons/evenings are going to be spent helping price and organize all the things that have been donated for our GIGANTIC yard sale.  A wonderful friend has organized this event so all benefits go to the Benke Adoption Fund.  The yard sale is this coming Saturday for 7 am – 5 pm.  It is in the parking lot of the Cavalier Skating Rink in Stafford, VA.  Anyone in the area is invited to come.  Please pray for lots of shoppers and a beautiful day.  My friend Emily has put countless hours into planning and organizing this event.  This act of service has been and continues to be such a blessing to me!  We are going to have a VERY busy weekend prepping on Friday and then the sale on Saturday.  How incredibly awesome that the week of the sale we are matched and there is now a baby boy directly connected with this event.

Thank you for all the countless prayers and words of encouragement.  Please do not stop praying!  While we are excited, we are WELL AWARE of the risks in anyadoption.  The birthmother can not terminate her rights until 48 hours after birth.  I would be lying if I didn’t admit that there are bits and pieces of fear floating in my mind and heart.  I am finding that I have already attached with this baby that I have not seen move and/or kick because I am already thinking about him as our baby – Jaxson Robert.  There is comfort for me in knowing that God already knows the doubts and concerns within my fears.  Knowing He knows seems to help me give those fears to Him.  I do confess that I grab them back too though!  That will be a life long struggle I am sure.

waiting and preparing

We haven’t heard anything yet today regarding any adoption items – either Jacksonville or Tallahassee. 

We normally don’t get communication from Jacksonville until after 3:30 p.m.  We should be hearing back from them regarding finances though.  The email that we sent to the caseworker was forwarded to the director.  They are in the process of deciding what we will be refunded.  We don’t think that we are going to ever get the “promised” conference call.

We got an email yesterday that our profile was received in Tallahassee.  They were still working on the legal issues (termination of rights) with the birth father.  It is refreshing that nothing is proceeding until that is handled.  We don’t know if our profile will be presented to the birth mother and if it is, when it will happen.  Just a lot of waiting.

Matt and I have been working on an adoption fundraising letter that we are sending out to family and some friends.  We are going to try to get them in the mail tomorrow.  I am going to include a copy of the letter as a link (widget) on this blog.  Feel free to look it over!

I need to fold some laundry, pack for women’s retreat (leaving tomorrow morning), and get ready to go to the movie with friends tonight!

whirlwind couple of weeks

It has been a couple of weeks since I have posted a message….sorry – a lot has been happening and not completely on the adoption front.  Tuesday evening, September 8th, we found out that the birth mother had probably miscarried.  We really haven’t found out anything more about what has actually happened.  This all “came down” less than 2 days before we were to travel to Jacksonville to meet her.  I know that Matt and I both wondered if it could be possible for us to endure anymore loss – whether perceived or actual loss.  I have thought a lot about the verse in Job (1:21)  “And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return.  The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” 

Exactly one week later, Tuesday, September 16th, I got the phone call that my brother-in-law , my older sister, Cathy’s husband, was killed tragically in a car accident that day.  He was in a head on collision with a tanker truck.  Honestly, my already heightened emotions exploded.  Thankfully Matt was already leaving work and on his way home.  We packed and left to drive all night to Grand Rapids, Michigan with my parents.  Kevin was an incredible man who loved the Lord, his family, and his friends.  He will be GREATLY missed.  A positive aspect in a difficult situation was I was able to see and meet some incredible people who are my sister, niece, and nephew’s support system.  I was also able to learn from Kevin’s life.  He was very intentional in his relationships.  He had made an incredible impact on his dry cleaner and his florist – just to name a few.  He intentionally built relationships with these people who he did business with.  I am not good at this.  I need to be more aware and conscious of the people that God brings into my life.  I need to put my own personal fear and comfort level aside so I can bless others.  As I reflect back, the week that Matt and I spent in Michigan was good to help me put life into perspective.  I found that during that time my emotions also began to equalize -  I wasn’t feeling extremely high or extremely low.  I was concerned about this at first.  Friends have encouraged me that it isn’t a bad thing.  I know I just have to be careful not to let it go too far.  While in Michigan a friend shared this verse with me – I Peter 5:10 – “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”   What a wonderful reminder.  We  traveled home from Michigan on Monday. September 21st.  The rest of the week was taken to get back into our routine.  Matt has been EXTREMELY busy at work.  It was great to go to our Ladies Bible study Wednesday afternoon and to our small group Sunday evening.

This past Monday evening, we received a phone call from our adoption consultant.  She made us aware of a situation in Tallahassee, Florida.  A baby boy was born August 29th.   I’ll summarize the details.  The birth mother is committed to placing him up or adoption.  The difficulty has been with the birth father.  The lawyer was petitioning the court yesterday to have his right terminated.  The lawyer’s office is not going to present profiles to the birth mother until after his rights have been terminated.  It is thought that will occur by the end of this week.  The caseworker will filter through profiles to decide what will be presented to the birth mother.  We were told that the birth mother is looking was a couple that can provide a good home and a college education.  We overnighted our profile to the caseworker yesterday.  Basically we are waiting to see if we are chosen to be submitted to the birth mother and then waiting to see if the birth mother selects us.  We have been told that once the birth mother selects a couple, the process will happen quickly – within the week.  Matt and I are spending the time that we are waiting to make sure we have the finances that we would need to take with us – knowing that even if this situation doesn’t work out – we will have the money ready when another situation arises.  Our consultant is looking for scenarios where the baby is either about to be born and or is already born.  We know that this means things will happen quickly.  Matt and I would prefer to have the stress on our end and not having to have those months of waiting for birth.

Well, I think I have brought you up to speed.  During this time I have found a song by the group Kutless.  The song is called “What Faith Can Do.”  You probably have figured out already that song lyrics really seem to hit home for me.  Here are the lyrics: 

What Faith Can Do

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don’t have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That’s what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

 

home concert last night

Matt and I went to a home concert last night at our pastor’s house.  The artists that performed were Christa Wells and Jessica Campbell.  The concert was incredible and was to benefit a homeless shelter here in Fredericksburg.  A wonderful cause with a wonderful concert!  Here are the words to one of the songs that Christa Wells sang.  It really hit home.

A THOUSAND THINGS 

You’re gonna cry yourself to sleep 

You’re gonna soak the pillow for many weeks 

You’re gonna cry Why? Why me? 

But in spite of the ache that doesn’t go away 

You’ll be sharing your story one rainy day 

And at the next table somebody catches your words 

He hears a truth that he’s never heard 

He takes it back to the marriage he’d given up on 

Hands it down to his daughter who writes it into song 

You didn’t know 

A thousand things are happening in this one thing 

Like a thousand fields nourished by a single drop of rain 

So honey, wrap yourself in promise while you wait the morning light 

A thousand things are happening tonight 

You’re gonna cry yourself to sleep 

‘cause for the moment all that you can see 

Is what you’ve lost, lost Why me? 

But in the midst of the most exquisite pain 

you’re drawn into a peace that you cannot explain 

and the praises you sing of a sovereign God 

reach the girl whose last hope is gone 

she never thought there was purpose in anything here 

now the seed has been planted and it’s taking root there 

You didn’t know 

Chorus 

A thousand things are happening tonight 

You’re gonna cry yourself to sleep 

A thousand miracles you’ll have to wait and see

 

Here are links to both Christa and Jessica’s websites.  http://www.christawells.net/  & http://www.jessicacampbellmusic.com/Jessica_Campbell_Music/HOME.html