Well, Jaxson is napping and I have a church friend coming over in a little while so I might spend some time being reflective… of course if this ends abruptly then you know that Jax is no longer napping and I will have to finish later. 
Honestly, there is SO much swimming through my head right now. As I have been getting ready this morning I have been thinking a lot about the past couple of months and the miriad of emotions that Matt and I have experienced – anticipating child #2, Thanksgiving w/out Emilie, failed adoption #2, anticipation of the holidays w/out Emilie, anticipation of Emilie’s 1st birthday, beginning to grapple w/ the possibility that our desire for a family might never happen, anticipation of good friends having babies in the next few months, and then the call, packing, driving all night, sitting in the lobby of the agency awaiting Jaxson’s arrival, seeing Jaxson for the 1st time, having Jaxson placed in my arms, signing at-risk placement paperwork AGAIN, hoping that very soon my voice will be comforting and not yet another stranger in Jax’s ears, sightseeing, Christmas with Jaxson, waiting for the interstate compact paperwork, getting word we could head home (much sooner than we thought), driving all night AGAIN, the beginning of a new year, bringing Jaxson home, listening to Matt show Jax his nursery, watching Jax nap in HIS crib, rocking Jax to sleep, introducing Jax to good friends that have walked through this journey with us, missing Emilie still, and realizing that we would not have Jax if we still had Emilie but knowing that I wouldn’t want to give him up to get her back.
I’ll continue later…..
